by Bill Bergstrom
The biblical truth of marriage and family, as a lifelong covenant relationship between one man and one woman, and the children that are created from this union, flows from the heart of God and is therefore a matter of justice and righteousness. The importance of justice and righteousness cannot be understated when they are applied to marriage and family. Marriage and family are God’s foundational building blocks of a culture and when promoted and practiced, as created, and intended by God, produce a stable and peaceful culture where righteousness and justice reigns.
The word ‘justice’ in the Hebrew language stands for the creating of just laws according to the ways of God that are enforced in the culture. This kind of justice punishes those who are violating the ways and commandments of God and protects those who are victims of injustice. The word ‘righteousness’ in the Hebrew language stands for each person being ethically right according to the ways of God in their heart and mind, and the actions that flow from them. The importance of justice and righteousness can be seen in these few scriptures:
When I think of each of us being created in the image of God, I believe we see that image reflected beautifully in many ways, especially in God’s creation of marriage and family. When God revealed to us that the Godhead is made up of three persons whom we know as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we see a reflection of that ‘community’ of three persons in God’s creation of male and female, calling them to come together in marriage as husband and wife, and creating children. Embedded in the beautiful story of Genesis 1 and 2 we see God establishing the primary and foundational relationships of humanity: marriage between one man and one woman, the children that are naturally created in that marriage, and the children who are adopted by the married couple.
Even before the Fall, God created marriage calling Adam and Eve to come together as one when he said, “Therefore a man shall leave His father and His mother and hold fast to His wife, and they shall become one flesh.”[4] This definition was reaffirmed by Jesus and by Paul.[5] If righteousness were to continue to be practiced by Adam and Eve; between them and God, between each other, and with the children that resulted from their marriage, then justice would exist on the earth.
If we are to understand marriage and how vitally important it is to a stable and just culture, it is vital to know and believe that the marriage relationship between a husband and a wife represents the relationship between Christ and the church. It should reflect what is seen in Ephesians which says,
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husband’s ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves His wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated His own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of His body. ‘For this reason, a man will leave His father and mother and be united to His wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love His wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”[6]
Reason Number One for Marriage:
Unity with God
With this understanding we could say that marriage was created and designed by God not to make husbands and wives happy but to make them holy![7]. As husbands and wives die to self and in love serve each other, each one will grow closer to Christ and emulate his passion in their lives. St. Augustine said, “the sacrament of marriage to one is a symbol that in the future we shall all be united and subject to God in the one heavenly city.” Augustine was saying that we are to understand that God’s primary purpose in creating marriage was to create a sacrament; something that points beyond itself to Someone greater.
Marriage points to the wonderful truth that when we received Christ we were married to God; he became our Bridegroom, and we became his Bride! In our marriage to God in Christ he made the following promise, “I, Jesus Christ, take you a sinner, to be my bride, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for all eternity. This is my solemn vow." And we in response said, “I, a sinner, take you Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord, as my Bridegroom, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for all eternity. This is my solemn vow." These verses in Ephesians, and the marriage vows that are used in the church that are based on them, are given to us by God to reveal to us how God relates to us individually, how we are to relate to one another in marriage, and each other in the Church, which is the Bride of Christ!
Reason Number Two for Marriage:
Unity of Husband and Wife
Another reason marriage was created by God is so that the husband and wife can enjoy the benefits relationally and physically of a committed, lifelong friend and partner in life. Woman was created from the side of man for a reason. Through this event God was revealing to us that he wanted us to have a partner, someone to share life with, as together we go on our journey through life helping and encouraging each other to love and follow God into the life he created us to live. In the eyes of God, men and women are different in abilities and gifts, but equal in importance and equal in partnership as each one contributes to a rich life together.
In this partnership men are to be the spiritual leaders. In Adam’s failure to lead Eve we see an example of what happens when God’s ordained and created ways are violated. The husband has been given by God the role of spiritual leadership in keeping the marriage and the family on the path toward spiritual maturity as lovers and followers of Christ. When a wife sees her husband, and children see their father, humbly loving and following Christ they have a living example that helps them navigate the many struggles and temptations life brings. When a man leads this way, he is fulfilling one of the primary purposes for his creation and establishing the foundation for a strong, stable, loving home. He is practicing righteous living which leads to justice.
Reason Number Three for Marriage:
Creating of Children and Leading Them to God
A third reason for the creation of marriage is the creation of a family and the nurturing of the children, biological or through adoption. Children are a reward from God as declared by God when he said, “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.”[8]
That is why scripture clearly declares God’s deep love for children, and the primary purpose of parenting is to give children a secure, safe place to be nurtured, so that they can come to know Christ, and as a result be healthy, productive members of society. Jesus made this clear when he saw children being kept from him and with indignation said,
“Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.”[9].
It has been proven many times that the best environment for children is a home with a good marriage so that the children can have the training and nurturing of their mother and father. Therefore, some especially important questions to ask are, “How do we help children come to Christ, and in what ways do we hinder them from doing so?”
The primary age for coming into a saving faith in Christ is childhood; therefore, all of us who are disciples of Christ should make it a primary goal of life to bring ours and all children to faith in Christ. We should make it a high goal of our marriages, families, and churches, to create an environment that brings children to the foot of the cross. This environment our children see and experience should be filled with the peace of Christ nurtured through passionate worship, a love for and practice of personal and group prayer, study and meditation on scripture in private and group studies, loving service to the family of God, and outreach into the community in service, evangelism and discipleship. To fail to do this is to fail at the primary purpose of God in blessing us with children: to bring them to faith in Christ so they may know him, love him, enjoy him, serve him, and spend eternity with him in heaven.
If Jesus has such a deep love for children, it makes sense that scripture would give us some guidance as to how we are to bring our children to Christ? I believe a Scripture found in Deuteronomy is foundational in understanding our God given responsibility and privilege of bringing children to faith in Christ. As you read it look very carefully at the heart, role, and he lifestyle of parents, and others involved with children. They are to have this at home, in the church, and in the community,
“Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”[10]
We find a great example of how to disciple our children in Susanne Wesley, the mother of John Wesley, who had ten children and spent one hour a week with each child teaching them the truth of the Bible. If marriage is not between one man and one woman committed to each other for life, how can we obey God and create this spiritual environment for the children, he blesses us with?
The vital importance of the father and mother in the faith development of children is found in scriptures, such as Ephesians, where Paul is instructing fathers and says,
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”[11]
If a father is not present in the home, it makes it exceedingly difficult for him to be actively involved in the development of his children’s faith.[12] On David Servant’s website there is an article about Family-Style Devotions that can help strengthen the spiritual life of a family, the book ‘Family Style Devotions’ that can be ordered, and a copy of 147 devotions to use with children that can be downloaded or received by email. As of this writing his website is davidservant.com.
Reason Number Four for Marriage:
Creating a Strong Culture
Lastly, do you see how this focus on marriage creates a strong culture? Because marriage is to reflect the image of God and the relationship between Christ and the church, a husband and wife will take their vows very seriously and do the hard work of creating a strong marriage. In turn this will create a stable and loving home for children that will help them come to faith in Christ and be mature citizens who contribute to the strength of their culture, a culture where justice and righteousness reigns.
The question is how do we create this strong marriage and family? In Christian to the Core the International Leadership Institute says, “God creates people for relationships, and we learn about relationships best within families in common ways.” The following six characteristics of strong families, taken from the Christian to the Core book, give us a wonderful guide for creating strong, godly families. The subjects relating to family includes: Strong Commitment, Spending Enjoyable Time Together, Good Communication, Appreciation and Affection for Each Other, Ability to Solve Problems and React in Crisis, and Shared Spiritual Life. For more information and to order the book go to christiantothecore.org.
Some Closing Thoughts on Marriage and Family
In closing out this chapter, I believe we can rightfully say that the injustice that we see at every level of our culture can be traced primarily to the failure to create biblical marriages and families. Healthy biblical marriages and families are the primary building blocks of a strong, healthy culture. If marriage and family, as defined this way, are weakened through personal sin or through a culture’s attempt to subvert them, deep and painful problems will result. This is inevitable because it goes against the very image of the God of which we were created. Therefore, creating a godly marriage and family should be considered the deepest form of practicing justice and righteousness; a justice and righteousness that spreads out from the family and permeates the culture.
Therefore God, who in love created us in his image, calls us to represent that image in a marriage between one man and one woman in a sexual relationship until they are parted by death. It is why any sexual relationship not found within a marriage between one man and one woman is sin. And therefore abortion is sin because it kills unborn children created in the image of God, rather than raising them up to be a blessing to him, to the people he or she will meet throughout his or her life, and to fulfill the plans God has for them.[13]
God created us in love and therefore knows how we are to live our lives, and he wants to guide us in living the lives we were created to live. That is why everyone who has been responsible for a divorce or an abortion needs to understand that it is sin. It is sin because divorce violates the covenant made in our marriage vows, and abortion kills a child being formed in the image of God while it is still in the mother’s womb.
When discussing who is responsible for a divorce or an abortion, we must not be too quick to judge, in fact we must not judge at all for only God alone can judge! Often only one partner wants a divorce which causes great pain to the other partner, and to their children. The one who wants the divorce has committed the sin, the other has not sinned but must bear the pain it causes. The same is true about abortion, the mother may not want to abort her child, but the pressures from others who want the abortion may be too much for the mother to overcome. The one who wants the abortion has committed the sin along with the mother, but she must bear the pain it causes.
However, when we are humble and admit our sin to God, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us of all our sins! He opens his arms of love, healing, and care, and lets us know that we are forgiven! Because of this we can know that we are free from our guilt. Then, God works in our life to bring healing to our hearts and helps us move into the life he created us to live! I invite you to go over once again the sections, Spend Time in Confession and Repentance and Praying for Yourself as You Live in a Fallen World in the chapter “A Journey of Developing a Deep Relationship” with God, as you take this to God in prayer.
This biblical definition of marriage does not mean that all people should be married. Many people are called by God to be single, and very fulfilled and complete in their singleness. Their relationship with Christ, family, friends, and the church can make their lives as deeply fulfilling and rewarding as that of a married person.
In a culture that has perverted freedom into meaning license to do pretty much whatever we want; we must continuously remind ourselves that personal desires and passions cannot be allowed to dictate truth or policy. We are all deeply affected by humanity’s rebellion against God and are easily deceived. Therefore, we must always turn to scripture and its meaning as determined throughout the ages of Christianity to determine truth. Christ alone is Truth itself. We are not. So, no matter what we feel or desire, we must humbly bow to Christ and stand firm for and declare the truth of scripture no matter what the cost to self. After all, that is what Christ did and he said, “Follow me.”
In Hebrews 11 we find many heroes of the faith who would not settle for what this world offered. Instead, they pursued the unseen kingdom of God with all their hearts. They sought to do all they could in God’s strength to do his will in this world but did not expect perfection until the Messiah was fully revealed. We must do the same in sure and certain hope that when Christ returns to set up his perfect Kingdom, we will all be transformed through the removal of the unique imprint our sin nature has on each of us, and the receiving of perfect, sin-free, glorified bodies and souls for eternity. In the meantime, let us do all we can, through the Church and in the power of the Holy Spirit, to bring the reign of Christ into our lives, our marriages, our families, our church, and the world; always looking forward with sure and certain faith, hope, and love that Christ will someday restore all things as they were meant to be.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away. And He who sits on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ And He said, ’Write, for these words are faithful and true.’” Revelation 21:4–5 (NAS)
[1] Jeremiah 9:23-24
[2] Psalm 89:13–14.
[3] Psalm 85:13
[4] Genesis 2:24
[5] Matthew 19:5, Ephesians 5:31
[6] Ephesians 5:22-33 (EVS)
[7] From Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
[8] Psalm 127:3
[9] Mark 10:14
[10] Deuteronomy 6:4-9
[11] Ephesians 6:4, read and meditate on the meaning of Psalm 78.
It is a powerful message to all parents, and to all of us!
[12] Please read Genesis 8:19, Exodus 12:26, Deuteronomy 11:19,
Psalm 78:1-18, Psalm 145:4, Proverbs 22;6, Isaiah 38:19,
Joel 1:3, and Colossians 3:21 to see this vital, revealed truth of God!
[13] Please read Psalm 139:13-16, Jeremiah 1:5, and Job 10:8 to see this
vital, revealed truth of God!
Feel free to send me an email here to ask questions or discuss any of the pages and I will respond within a day or two.